JOHN and DAVE are old school friends in their 50s. They are having a drink in DAVE’s large and well-appointed kitchen.
JOHN: So, Dave, what’s this I hear about you moving?
DAVE: That’s right. We’re off. March 29th, we move out.
JOHN: Where are you off to, then?
DAVE: We’ve heard about this house a few miles away. Right in the middle of a national park, Grade II listed building. Only takes 10 minutes to get into work and it’s miles cheaper than this place. It’ll be paradise.
JOHN: Oh yes? Where’s that then?
DAVE: Don’t know the exact address, but it’s really easy to get to, so they say.
JOHN: “They” being?
DAVE: The estate agents.
JOHN: But they won’t tell you where it is?
DAVE: All a bit hush-hush. If they start publicising the place, everyone will want to go there.
JOHN: So, what are you doing with this place, then?
DAVE: Selling it.
JOHN: Found a buyer?
DAVE: Yeah, there is one, but he’s being a bit coy about giving us what we want for it.
JOHN: Tough bargainer, eh?
DAVE: Seems to be, the bastard. We only want a reasonable price, but he’s just haggling all the time.
JOHN: Can’t you find someone else?
DAVE: Well, he’s the only person who’s put in an offer in the two years we’ve had the house on the market, so really, we have to deal with him or we might have to stay. And I’m not doing that.
JOHN: I thought you liked it here?
DAVE: Ginnie does. She thinks it’s marvellous, but I don’t. It’s not what it was, you know. The whole area has really gone downhill.
JOHN: Has it changed that much?
DAVE: God, yes. Far more people in the area now, and from all over the place, you know? Odd things in the shops. Can’t understand what people are rabbiting on about at the bus-stop half the time. Didn’t used to be like that. Then there’s the expense. It’s really expensive to live around here. Ludicrous. And if that wasn’t enough, the local council have got some really dodgy projects. It’ll be a nightmare in a few years.
JOHN: But you say that Ginnie doesn’t want to leave?
DAVE: Since when has Ginnie really wanted to do anything? Women, eh? No get-up-and-go. Can’t see the big picture, can they? Satisfied with less.
JOHN: So, you over-rode her and just decided to go.
DAVE: Of course not! What do you take me for? We had a democratic vote on it and decided to move.
JOHN: How did that work then, seeing as you couldn’t agree?
DAVE: Ginnie’s folks swung it. Her nan and pop live in the granny flat and they wanted to move too. Of course, our eldest, Tom, he didn’t want to go but that still left three versus two so the motion was carried.
JOHN: What about your two other kids, Sue and Justin?
DAVE: We didn’t ask them.
JOHN: Why not?
DAVE: You said it yourself, kids, aren’t they? What would they know about it? They’re not adults so their votes don’t count. They’ll be able to have a say when they’re older.
JOHN: Won’t it be a bit late by then?
DAVE: You’ve got to draw the line somewhere, John. They’re only 12 and 8. They’ll do as they’re told.
JOHN: I thought Ginnie’s mum passed on last year?
DAVE: That’s right, yes, she did.
JOHN: So, doesn’t that make the vote a bit of a tie then?
DAVE: What’s that got to do with it? She was alive when she voted. You can’t let these things drag on. Anyway, if I asked everyone again, they’d probably have changed their minds and we wouldn’t go, so I’m buggered if I’m doing that.
JOHN: So, you’re off on the 29thand moving in to the new place.
DAVE: Well, it’s not quite that simple. We haven’t bought it yet. In fact, we haven’t even seen it.
JOHN: So where are you going to go then?
DAVE: Might sleep rough for a bit. I can’t think it’ll come to that, but we’ve sourced some really good cardboard boxes…
JOHN: What? You can’t be serious?
DAVE: You bet I am.
JOHN: Live in a cardboard box?
DAVE: Boxes. It won’t be for long.
JOHN: What’ll you do when it rains?
DAVE: It won’t. Look, don’t worry about it. I’m not. You can get used to anything. So, it might be a little uncomfortable, but we’ll get over it. It’ll be worth it in the long run.
JOHN: How happy are the kids about that, then?
DAVE: Kids! When did you ever know them not to complain about something? If it’s not this, it’s that.
JOHN: And Ginnie’s dad?
DAVE: Oh, he’s up for it all right. Says it’s nothing he can’t handle. We’re better off on the street than staying here. It’s the principle of the thing. In any case the buyer will cave soon and give us what we want.
JOHN: But he knows that if he doesn’t, you won’t be able to move into your new house?
DAVE: He does now. Ginnie went and told him, the idiot. Why she couldn’t keep schtum, I really have no idea.
JOHN: So now he’s going to call your bluff and refuse to offer you any more.
DAVE: Of course he won’t. He wants to the buy the house more than we want to sell it. We’re the ones holding all the cards.
JOHN: What are you going to do with all your stuff if you’ve nowhere to move it to?
DAVE: It’ll have to go into storage for a time, I suppose.
JOHN: Have you got that organised, then?
DAVE: Not yet, but there’s still plenty of time. We don’t move out until the end of the month.
JOHN: You don’t think you’re leaving it a bit late?
DAVE: Look, it’s not ideal, but if the tightwad who’s meant to be buying this place wasn’t being so much of an arse, it would have been done and dusted ages ago. Selfish bastard.
JOHN: And in the meantime?
DAVE: Well, we can’t put down an offer for the new place. In actual fact, until we’ve got the cash sorted out, the estate agents aren’t interested in showing us the place.
JOHN: You seem pretty convinced you’ll like it.
DAVE: Of course we’ll like it! Grade II listed building in a national park for a pittance? What’s not to like? It’s going to be brilliant. And there’s the commute - just 10 minutes! Think of that for a moment!
JOHN: Sounds almost too good to be true if you ask me.
DAVE: I’m not, John. Look, you’ve got to have some faith or you won’t do anything in this world.
JOHN: And if you can’t get your hands on your dream house?
DAVE: We will. But in any case, there’ll be others. There’s nothing this family can’t do.
JOHN: You’re not worried about being a bit isolated in the middle of a national park?
DAVE: I wouldn’t worry about that. People will be queuing up to visit us. We’ll probably have to shoo them away.
JOHN: Well, I admire your optimism, Dave. I hope you know what you’re doing.
DAVE: Haven’t I always known what I’m doing, John?
JOHN: Hmm…
Fade out